Press X to Start (Again)
Or: Can You Be a Gamer and Still Get the Guy?
I couldn’t help but wonder… If there’s space in gay dating for a side quest?
Because sometimes, when I open Hinge or Grindr or whatever dopamine-dripping dating app I’ve reinstalled (again), I start to feel like I’ve picked the wrong main or character class. I’m not the party-hopping, bar-flirting, effortlessly “it” gay — I’m the one at home ranking Fortnite levels, harvesting fruit on my island, and paying debt off to a raccoon (what’s that about?) while wondering if Kirby is lowkey a queer icon.
Apparently, that’s not sexy?
In the Big Gay City™️, there’s an unspoken vibe we’re meant to give off: Trendy. Social. Gym-active. Fashion-forward. Someone who says “I’m masc but emotionally intelligent,” and then proves neither.
But me? I like my Friday nights virtual. I like building worlds. Side quests. A good boss battle. And yes, my console has seen more action than my DMs.
There’s this weird tension in the gay world — a kind of identity code-switching. By day, I’m your stylish, clean-shaven, matcha-drinking London gay. But by night? I’m deep into my cozy gaming era, completing side quests, exploring 100% of a map like a pixel-perfect perfectionist, and buying coffee in a virtual café run by a pigeon in a suit (yes, really).
It’s not that I don’t like going out. I do! But I also like coming home, kicking off my Sambas, and loading into a save file I’ve been nurturing since lockdown. And yet, I’ve caught myself hesitating to mention that side of me on dates. Will they think it’s childish? Lazy? Unsexy?
We build these avatars of ourselves — idealised profiles, manicured aesthetics — all while quietly ignoring the parts we’re afraid people won’t find cool. But what if the most interesting thing about you isn’t your Spotify Wrapped or your taste in niche wine bars? What if it’s the game you revisit when the world’s too loud? What if it’s the world you built in The Sims to process your emotions because therapy was fully booked — or just too expensive?
Queer culture prides itself on being inclusive — and yet, we still segment ourselves. The fit gays. The fashion gays. The meme gays. And somewhere, squinting in the blue light of a 36” TV, the gamer gays — wondering if they should’ve just said they were “into music” like everyone else.
We don’t need a whole new dating app for nerdy queers (although imagine the UI…). We just need space to be our whole selves. Yes, I want someone I can flirt with at brunch. But I also want someone who’ll play Overcooked with me — and won’t break up with me when I point out we need clean plates or we can’t serve.
So here’s what I’ve learned: The right person won’t care that I own more Joy-Cons than cologne. They’ll think it’s cute that I alphabetise my Pokémon. They’ll ask what I’m playing. And when I say, “Hogwarts Legacy,” they’ll say, “Excellent taste.”
Because love isn’t about winning — it’s about finding someone who knows all your quirks and still picks you at character select.