Let Them

Or: The Art of Not Forcing What Wasn’t Texted Back

I couldn’t help but wonder… if letting people do what they want, say what they want — or not — might be the most powerful thing we can do.

Because in the gay community, where connection can often feel like currency, it’s hard not to overthink every like, reply, and “what are you up to?”

We’re in the middle of everything — careers, friendships, dating apps, the constant pressure to show up, go out, and be in. But what if we… didn’t?

Let them not text back.

Let them cancel plans. Let them choose other people. Let them ghost, brag, or show up two hours late in a half-thought-out excuse of an outfit and even less effort emotionally.

Because when we stop trying to control how we’re perceived, how we’re invited, how we’re chosen — we start seeing who actually makes space for us.

It applies to friendships too. The group chat can be a lifeline — or a quiet reminder you’re on the edge of something. Let them post, let them plan brunch without you. Let them organise the next queer bar crawl without checking if you’re in town. You’ll feel it, yes. But you’ll also learn from it.

Because holding space for people who don’t hold it for you is draining. And don’t we already charge our phones enough?

Let them… not invite you.

And instead of panicking that you’re not doing enough, not showing up enough, not saying the right thing to the right boy at the right time on the right app — what if you just did what felt right to you?

What if the right people never needed the extra nudge, the emoji follow-up, the TikTok tag, the check-in text. They just… showed up.

Letting them doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care enough about yourself not to shrink every time someone else forgets your worth.

Because maybe “let them” isn’t passive — maybe it’s powerful. Maybe it’s not giving up — maybe it’s setting free.

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→ Read Issue Eleven: The Fitting In Era (Spoiler: It Doesn’t Fit)