No Labels, No Limits, No Idea What We’re Doing
Or: What Does Exclusivity Even Mean Anymore?
I couldn’t help but wonder...
In a world where anyone can get with anyone — are we building connection, or just creating chaos?
Because if there’s one thing the gay dating scene doesn’t come with, it’s a manual. We joke that no one in this community defines anything. “Talking” means everything. “Dating” means nothing. And “exclusive”? That’s a word you might hear in a Vogue press release — not on Grindr.
Instead, we get: “I’m seeing someone, but it’s chill.” “It’s open, but physical only.” “It’s sort of exclusive.” (what does that even mean?) “We’re going with the flow, but it’s not serious.” “It’s serious... but we’re not, like, exclusive exclusive.” Translation: nobody wants to admit they’re not sure what’s going on.
Monogamy in the gay world feels… niche. A little retro. A little radical. Not the optimism kind, Dua. It’s a double-edged sword — because while we’ve spent decades unlearning tradition that never included us in the first place, part of us still craves the simplicity of it.
Not the white picket fence or the 2.5 adopted children — though hey, if that’s your vibe, slay — but the feeling of knowing where you stand. Of safety. Of choosing one person and them choosing you right back.
It’s not about replicating heteronormative milestones. It’s about carving out space for security within our own queerness. Tradition meets redefinition. Structure meets softness. A need for something steady in a world that tells us we’re supposed to keep it casual.
But why do we... Avoid asking “what are we?” Because it sounds needy. Because it might scare them off. Because it’s easier to play it cool and pretend you’re okay being one of many.
But deep down? You’re wondering if it’s safe to feel. You’re wondering if you’re allowed to want more. You’re wondering if exclusivity makes you naïve — or just honest.
Because maybe you’re not trying to own someone. You’re just trying to feel like you matter to them.
Maybe we’re not meant to go backwards. Maybe monogamy isn’t “better” — it’s just one route. But maybe we also need to talk more about boundaries, intentions, and emotional safety — even when it’s uncomfortable.
Because clarity isn’t cringe. And wanting to be the one instead of one of isn’t immature — it’s brave.
We don’t need a ring. (Although I want one for you readers out there.) Or a white suit. (Blue’s my colour.) But maybe we still want someone to say: it’s just you.
And maybe, just maybe — that’s enough.